


An Unreachable Goal

by TheAbsoluteWorst



Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell, Fangirl - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Abandoned Work - Unfinished and Discontinued, Abandonment Issues, Abusive Parents, Alternate Universe - Normal High School, Angst, Bullying, Depression, Emotionally Abusive Parents, Emotionally Repressed, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, F/M, Fighting, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Homophobia, Hurt/Comfort, Internalized Homophobia, Kinda, M/M, Mentioned Underaged Drinking, Mentions of Suicide, Multi, Panic Attacks, Semi Graphic Panic Attacks, Simon Snow Has Panic Attacks, Suicidal Thoughts, Trigger Warning!, Warning and Tags to be added as the story progresses
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-05
Updated: 2019-07-05
Packaged: 2019-10-22 22:52:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 8,714
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17671643
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheAbsoluteWorst/pseuds/TheAbsoluteWorst
Summary: Simon moves to a new city to a new school to a new family. Baz has issues. Will they manage to overcome their inner struggles and become friends? Or even better, someting more? What happens when they are forced to spend more time together? Can they actually understand each other or are they destined to be nemesis?For his own sake, Simon hopes so.At least he can have a fun year in Manchster, right?





	1. The bus stop

**Author's Note:**

> I have risen from the dead with a snowbaz fic! Yes I am alive. Yes I'm still the absolute worst so strap in for an emotional ride!
> 
> This work is a gift to my dear friend Alex, who not only is an amazing artist but also inspired this fic that lifted me from the grave of writer's block!<3

The sound of laughter drifted up from the street below, making him feel very alone in this new town. Simon was waiting in an empty bus stop in the middle of the night. His baggage -a small suitcase and his backpack- where positioned in front of him. 

The weather in Manchester was chillier than he had anticipated but it was still nothing compared to Belfast. His new foster parents were supposed to be picking him up a whole 30 minutes ago.

He wasn’t sure if that was a sign of the year to come, a bad omen of sorts, or if it was due to his own flight having being delayed.

He had made sure to let them know he would be arriving later than he should be, so maybe they’d just misunderstood him. Simon was not, after all, famed for his good luck. 

He sighed once, wondering whether he should call them. The agency that had assigned him them had provided him with enough contact information that he would be able to find them even at the other side of the world. 

Then again he didn’t want his first ever real conversation with them to be him complaining. He felt that would make him seem rude or ungrateful. 

He glanced at his watch. 35 minutes. Another 10 he thought to himself and then he’d call. He could wait another 10 minutes if he had to. He plugged his earphones in and put on some music. 

One of his former foster siblings had urged him to check out Hozier and he had dismissed them entirely but now he found himself enjoying him quite a bit. 

A shame, he thought, perhaps if he had checked him out sooner they would have bonded more, his foster sibling and him. Maybe that could have even given his former foster parents a reason to keep him.

He shook his head. That never happened. They were foster parents for a reason. Usually they didn’t adopt the foster kids in their families…or maybe that was just Simon’s bad luck once again.

His right ear bud started acting up and his fiddled with the wire in frustration trying, albeit unsuccessfully, to perhaps get it in just the right angle. It was too late.

Suddenly an old red Volvo pulled up in front of him and the driver’s window rolled down. A man looked over at him his brows frowned in worry “Are you Simon Snow?”he asked. 

Simon was caught off guard and although he had heard him, courtesy of his dysfunctional ear bud, he pretended he hadn’t and made a show of removing his left one. 

The man didn’t seem put off by the exchange, instead asking him again as if the first time never happened. “Yes, that’s me” Simon said and before he had time to finish his sentence the door had been almost kicked open and the man jumped out hurrying towards him.

“Dear Lord, kid, I’m so sorry, I got caught up in my work and lost track of time. You must be freezing! What a terrible first impression…” The man said extending an arm out towards Simon for a handshake. 

Simon looked at it quizzicality. The man huffed a laugh “My apologies, I’m Martin; Martin Bunce. I was supposed to be picking you up…” The man –Martin- looked at his watch “…almost 45 minutes ago”

Simon’s eyes widened and he stood up quickly. He took Martin’s hand in a shake but Martin instead pulled him in what should have been an awkward hug but somehow wasn’t.  
The ride to the Bunces’ house was quiet but not uncomfortable. Martin Bunce excluded a warm sort of feeling. It wasn’t unusual for foster parents to have this sort of warmth, after all it takes a special sort of person to allow stranger children and teens in their homes even for a short while; not everyone was cut out for it. 

However, that being said the first days following Simon moving in things did always tend to lean on the awkward side, something Simon wasn’t sure was happening with Martin. 

Once they made it to the house and through the door, Simon was instantly greeted by a set of small children; three, in fact. They run around his legs and tried to grab him from his arms all the while asking all sorts of questions. 

Simon was so caught off guard he froze up on the spot not knowing what to do. Behind the children trailed a young looking woman frowning. “Kids!” She said in a commanding voice “Please leave the poor boy alone, he hasn’t even taken his shoes off and you are already yapping his ears off.” 

Simon looked at her wide eyed and she gave him a small smile as the children followed her order and scrambled off to somewhere in the house. Simon approached her flashing her a big smile “It’s no bother, I love children, I was just taken aback”

She laughed “I’m sure it’s not, but even so, we unforgivably left you in the cold to wait, allowing the children to harass you as well in such short while would make for an even poorer image, don’t you think?” 

From the way she talked Simon assumed she must have been Mitali Bunce. Simon laughed too. She looked young but in looking closer you could still make out the lines beside her mouth and between her brows. Her eyes were filled with kindness. 

“Come this way, I’ll introduce you to Penelope. You are the same age, so hopefully that will ease your transition” She said and led him in the living room.

Penelope was sitting on the couch reading. She didn’t look up from her book when they walked in, which made Simon nervous, but he soon realized it was because she had been so engrossed in her reading she hadn’t heard them.

Mitali had to snatch the book away from her for her to so little as to look up, however, once she did, her face lit up. Her eyes were wide and her smile toothy as she got up hastily to greet Simon. Simon already felt comfortable in their company.

Meeting the Bunces had been entertaining to say the least. Simon had come to know that Martin and Mitali had no previous record of fostering and that all five children in the house where in fact theirs…biologically. 

It had come as a surprise, mainly because they seemed so at ease with the whole situation. Simon had been previously assigned at other beginner fosters too but usually they were too nervous or too cautious or too…something quite indescribable to make Simon feel truly welcome.

He had spent all his life in the system and was considered a “veteran” amongst his friends. When he was younger Simon preferred being put in foster homes more than staying in facilities but with age he had come to grow tired of them.

Usually he didn’t stay longer than a year anywhere. In fact he had moved some 10 times in the last 2 years. That was an average of a 3 month stay in each foster home.

More so than the trouble of moving around Simon hated getting attached even more. As a young kid he had been unruly and wild, the very definition of a stereotypical boy always causing mischief and running around. 

Unfortunately, as popular as that made him amongst his fellow kids, it made him even more unpopular with the parents. Nobody wanted a foster kid that caused trouble after all. The constant moving had forced him to grow distant and cold to his future foster families which unfortunately left him an even slimmer chance of staying for longer in one, let along being adopted in one. However there was something about the Bunces that made Simon want to stay. 

They were lovely people.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my God, I can't believe it's been over a year and a half since I posted anything!
> 
> So much is being written, yet so little is finished or adequate...I feel so shitty...
> 
> Hope you are able to enjoy this trainwreck of a fic.
> 
> Updates for this will be irregular. For now I am seemingly able to produce on a daily basis so I will post any time I have something on my hands that is more that 100 words. But Lord only know when my next block will hit, or worse my depression so I don't want to make any promises for regular updates.


	2. Insufferable

As easy as the transition in the family had been, Simon found out (to his surprise) that his transition into his new school was even easier. Penelope wasn’t by any means ‘popular’ but she was well loved by both peers and teachers and had her fair share of close friends and acquaintances that were more than willing to let Simon in their groups.

Penelope, and now him too apparently, attended an elite private academy outside Manchester. It was proper fancy with all the proper fancy facilities and things, such as dormitories; A good academy by the rumors of it as well.

Both Martin and Mitali taught in the academy so Penelope and he were allowed in sans tuition. At first Simon had believed that would cause him trouble amongst his peers (as so often happens in stories of private academies) but he soon realized only few people actually cared for scholarships and scholarship children.

And those people who did mind he could easily avoid. Or at least that’s what he thought. Miraculously, his unrivaled bad luck decided to catch up to him at that exact point. Simon had been forced to stay in the dorms in the duration of the school semester (school policy) and although that wasn’t actually half bad, his roommate was the absolute worst person ever.

Simon had never in his life met a more stuck up asshole in his whole entire life and he had met the most interesting characters in his many moves. Apparently rich brats weren’t an outdated stereotype. And apparently Simon had gotten stuck with the worst of them. 

Tyrannus Basilton Grimm-Pitch was the most insufferable person Simon had ever met, if his name was anything to judge by... The first time they met (while moving into their shared room) he had even as far as refused to shake Simon’s hand.

Simon wasn’t sure what kind of parenting could possibly lead to this and although he certainly was no expert he could swear on his life it was the wrong one.

The first few weeks were the worst. Baz (short for Basilton apparently…Simon had to laugh, even this guy’s nickname was insufferably snobbish) and his little league of buffoons had actually sent nonstop harassment his way. The first times it happened Simon had lashed out and faugh back, a result of a ruff upbringing in the system, and they had ended up in the principal’s on more than one occasion bloody and bruised.

However, on Penelope’s request he had started flat out ignoring them and it had miraculously worked…although not really miraculously. Penelope was after all the smartest person Simon knew, short of her parents.

Now, a good 2 months in his move Simon was feeling more and more at home, if that was really something he was allowed to say.

Classes were exceptional, never in his life before had Simon been given such fine education. His teachers were delightful and did the absolute most to try and actually teach the children (unlike many teachers in the many public schools he had attended)

He knew it was unfair of him to make such comparisons when less than half a year ago he would be thankful he was allowed to even get an education. But living with the Bunces had woken something in him; a feeling of hope, that he wasn’t after all just another lost cause, another homeless kid failed by the system.

He was having the time of his life. So much so, that even Baz seemed to be unable to faze him. He felt like there was nothing he couldn’t do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Baz finally makes an entrance...kinda.
> 
> I'm trying really hard not to mess up the characters and stay as true to them as I can but some things may seem a bit ooc and I'm sorry for that.
> 
> As always, if you enjoyed, please leave a kudos and/or a comment, they literally help so much with my block...(yes I am a whiney bitch that needs constant validation, what of it?)
> 
> Love yous! <3


	3. The Incident

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING!
> 
> For those who don't like mentions of bullying (like myself) this chapter has some strong ones...I must admin it made me cringe while writing it so...but worry not it isn't anything grotesque or graphic...just cruel...

A sheet of paper was carefully placed on his desk, as Simon’s English teacher handed out their corrected quizzes. From the teacher’s face Simon didn’t have to look to know he had done worse than expected. 

He sighed turning the paper over and closed his eyes…55%

He was barely passing. That wasn’t good…it wasn’t good at all. He felt a sharp pain in his chest; like his rib cage was suddenly crushed in half or something and he couldn’t breathe.

He had to take several deep breaths to try and calm himself down. All he could think about was that getting a panic attack in the middle of class would look very bad on his image.

In all his suffering Simon heard a snicker from behind him. He sighed turning to see Niel, one of Baz’s friends, smirking his way. He really didn’t want to have to put up with this now.

“Doing poorly, Snow?” Baz asked from his left. Baz closed his eyes and clenched his jaw trying to not pay him any mind. “I must admit it’s rather unsurprising that a lowlife like yourself wouldn’t be able to keep up with the rest of us. This is after all an elite academy…who knows what might happen if you are not up to par?” Baz’s tone was mocking and made Simon’s blood boil. From behind his Neil echoed some sort of agreement. 

“You know if I were you…” Baz continued clearly pretending not to notice Simon was ignoring him “…I would try a little bit harder. God knows maybe if you weren’t such a failing idiot you wouldn’t have to move around so much.” Simon drew in a sharp breath and turned, for the first time since Baz had started talking to him, to him scowling; daring him to finish that sentence silently.

“In fact,” Baz continue catching Simon’s eye smirking “perhaps if you tried even a little for something once in your life not so many families would have given up on you” 

His face showed that he clearly knew what he was doing and Simon had to grip the edges of his desk to remain calm. He wasn’t going to give Baz the satisfaction, he thought.

But then Niel, fucking asshole Niel, said “Yeah, you know Snow, maybe your parents wouldn’t have given you up either, if you weren’t such a failure.”

Just in Simon’s luck, just as Neil uttered these words the class fell silent and everyone heard him.

Some gasped. All eyes were on him but all Simon could see was Baz. Baz and his stupid smirk. Baz and his stupid condescending eyes as if he held the secrets of the universe but wouldn’t tell you just to spite you.

At Neil’s words Baz’s smirk dropped, his face an identical expression to the rest of the class; shocked horror. But it was too late. Simon was already on his feet, desk pushed violently forward hitting the person sitting in front of him. 

After that everything was a blur of sorts. Baz felt himself lifted off the ground by his collar, he felt knuckles on his cheek. He felt his knuckles on someone’s face. By the time they were separated, Baz noticed, they were both a mess but when Baz stood by himself, Simon needed three people to hold him back.

In that moment he looked like he could kill a man.

The principal’s office was quite. Baz was sitting on one of the big leather armchairs opposite the principal’s desk while Simon occupied the other.  
They had been sent to the infirmary and from there straight to the principal’s with words of expulsion going around.

Baz knew his family would never allow for him to get expelled but it didn’t make him feel any better. He was just as shocked as everyone else when Neil said that. He knew it was going too far.

He felt awful for it. But then again Simon had hit him so hard he ended up needed stitches…

The silence in the room was heavy and tense. Simon hadn’t looked up from his lap once. In fact he hadn’t looked up at all ever since he’d lashed out at Baz and somehow that made him feel even worse.

As if he thought he was the one responsible. Baz felt the strange need to throw up. He glanced at Simon once his gaze faltering hesitantly and then flat out stared at him for a good minute, neither of them moving. Baz wasn’t even sure they were breathing.

Finally Simon let out a loud, long, annoyed sigh and turned to look at him. In an instance, Baz wished he’d go back to not looking at him. It was strange. Simon’s face, in his eyes in that moment there was no hatred, Baz hoped there’d be, just sadness.

“What do you want, Baz?” he asked annoyed. Baz frowned “What do you mean?” he asked. Simon rolled his eyes “You are staring. Either take a picture or go ahead and say what it is you want to say cause I’m not in the mood…” Baz was tempted to pull out his phone and snap a picture of him but talked himself out of it for his own good.

“I don’t want anything!” He said defensively instead but instantly regretted it. He looked away from Simon and hesitated for a moment before he said “Actually…I wanted to apologize.”

Simon huffed in disbelief “Apologize? For what?” he asked.

Baz looked at him frowning. He wasn’t sure if pointing out the reason he wanted to apologize for was wise.

Simon observed him for a long moment before saying “I mean; what specifically are you apologizing for right now? You do realize there is a rather long list of reasons you should be apologizing to me for, don’t you?”

Baz was taken aback. He huffed annoyed “Not like you are much more innocent yourself, you know, it’s just like you, Snow, to ruin a sincere moment”

“What sincere moment? All I know is you started harassing me in class, as you usually do, and then your buddy said something he wasn’t supposed to. So forgive me if I’m not so sure what, pray tell, you have decided is drawing the line when you couldn’t really give a flying fuck about all the other fucked up things that you do. You are such a hypocrite it’s honestly outstanding. Please, for the love of God, at least have the guts to live with being a snobby prick instead of passing off this hot N’ cold attitude because I sure as hell don’t need it so you can save it for someone who actually cares.”

It was safe to say Baz didn’t try to defend himself after that. In fact, many weeks passed before they even as much as looked at each other in the hallways.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How are you guys liking these developments?
> 
> Leave a comment and/or a kudos if you fancy. They make my days.
> 
> Love yous! <3


	4. Inside

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The timeline might confuse some of you, as I will go from POV to POV each chapter. I will try to make them as understanable as possible but do keep in mind the timeline is not linear in this!

Simon felt his blood boiling and his head turning. He felt dizzy, like he might throw up, but at the same time he felt like if he stopped moving even for a second he’d have a break down.

Beating up Baz had done very little to make him feel better. In fact, he felt worse. Baz wasn’t even the one who had said the thing. So why had Simon attacked him?

Sure, Baz had been harassing him quite often but he was never flat out cruel at him. He was just annoying and insufferable. Like a little toddler throwing tantrums to make their parents notice them. In a way it was even entertaining. 

Simon had even taken to handing some of the abuse back, when he wasn’t ignoring Baz. Never anything more than snide comments or off-handed insults but he still enjoyed evoking the reactions out of him.

Sitting in the principal’s office, however, for the first time in months all he could hear in his head was Niel’s words.

‘Given up’ he had said…as if Simon’s life was nothing more than an unreachable goal that you realize you can never attain.

Worse of all, though, was how it mirrored his own thoughts. It wasn’t difficult to think like that after all, when all you’ve ever known is foster facilities and foster homes leaving you one after the other.

Simon tried to make himself believe that it wasn’t his fault that he couldn’t seem to stick to a family. Tried to make himself believe there was nothing wrong with him, nothing that would drive everyone around him away, nothing that made them want to leave him, to abandon him, to give him up…

The truth of the matter, however, was that he knew the only reason he hadn’t had a stable home by the age of 16 was because he was unattainable, unreachable, like a goal you realize you can never achieve. Even though you have already started, even though he was already alive, Simon felt replaceable…

No. Worse than that. He felt unlovable.

That day, when he returned to Baz’s and his dorm and went in the shower, Simon cried for the first time in a long time. And as he cried he prayed that Baz hadn’t come back to hear him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oooooh, Simon boi is having some thoughts and some feelings™ 
> 
> How are you guys liking this?
> 
> Leave a comment and/or a kudos to let me know and physically make my brain produce some Gosh Darn Dopamine™ 
> 
> Love yous! <3


	5. The Hearing

Baz felt his heart shatter. He knew his and Niel’s parents would pull enough strings to get them out of all the trouble, but to see how hard the board was going on Simon…it made him feel like he was suffocating.

Somehow his dad had taken interest in Simon…a rather negative interest. Baz wasn’t sure it was only because Simon had been in the center of all his school troubles since the start of the new school year, or if perhaps his dad knew more than that. 

After all, Baz’s dad was as sharp as a freshly sharpened razor blade…as deadly as one too. However in all his sharpness, Malcolm Grimm still refused to acknowledge things about his son that could be considered rather obvious…or perhaps he was so set in his idea of reality he flat out couldn’t identify them.

Either way, Baz was disgusted by how his father was treating (indirectly of course) Simon and for the first time horrified too. Malcolm had been so insistent on Simon getting expelled, Baz was afraid he would actually attempt to drag him out of the school himself.

Still, Simon didn’t get expelled (although he still got light-years more punishment than he and Niel had…which was nothing) and Malcolm for the first time in a while hadn’t gotten what he wanted out of the academy.

And in his head, Malcolm had no others than the Bunces to blame for it. What he didn’t know, thought, was that his own son had testified privately against Simon getting expelled. 

Baz only hoped that it would remain that way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I don't like Malcolm and yes, he is an ass! NEXT!
> 
> Be a lovely and leave a comment and/or kudos if you are enjoying this so far!
> 
> Love yous! <3


	6. Time Of Love

November passed them without a hitch. Simon didn’t even realize how quickly it went by. After his little incident in October he had gotten away with a warning and a week’s worth of detention and after that he had tried his hardest to remain under the radar.

He didn’t want to cause the Bunces trouble, although when the incident had happened, they had come forward for him, demanding he doesn’t get expelled.

“How, pray tell, are you going to expel Simon, when the instigators of the whole ordeal get away with nothing more than a slap on the wrist?” Mitali had cried out in Baz’s, Niel’s and his expulsion hearing. 

“Besides, even with taking into consideration Simon’s extremely violent outburst, the nature of the harassment that lead to the harassment itself was so cruel, I rather think even a saint would have reacted the same” Martin had added more calmly.

Simon wasn’t sure how, but he had miraculously ended up allowed to stay. He’d never been more grateful in his life. He didn’t know what he’d done to deserve such kindness in the faces of the Bunces.

The Bunces had family and guests over for the holidays. It made the already lively house packed. Besides Penelope’s grandparents and aunts and uncles and myriads of cousins, her American boyfriend, Micha, was also visiting, as well as a good friend of hers who now lived in California, Agatha. 

Penelope had teased him relentlessly about how he was going to love Agatha. Simon was sure he would. After all any friend of Penelope’s couldn’t be anything short of lovely, but she always said it in a way.

Turns out that Penelope was right after all. Simon took one look at Agatha and forgot how to breath. He couldn’t believe a person so intensely angelic looking could exist.

But for all her angelic looks Agatha was a bit…snobbish. Simon imagined it had something to do with her upbringing but it still made him a little mad.

There were times when she would dismiss him and Penelope, or make a comment that came out too much like Baz and that ticked Simon in all the wrong ways.

Still he couldn’t help being infatuated with her. They started dating on New Year’s.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's Christmas? Already? Looks like someone is having trouble progressing the plot without making time jump cuts...
> 
> (Yes, I'm calling myself out, I know what you are here for and I will give it to you...in time...for now patience!)
> 
> As always, you can help me help you by leaving a comment and/or kudos to keep me motivated to keep writing this tomfoolery!
> 
> Love yous! <3


	7. New Beginings, Old Endings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING for a semi graphic panic attack. The experience is losely based on how I get them so please don't comment on "non realism"
> 
> Simon and Agatha are dating in this. If you don't like it don't read (?)

The new semester started early January and going back Simon felt a different person. So much had happened over the Holliday break and Simon was feeling ready to ‘start anew’ as Penelope had teased him.

For starters, there was his relationship with Agatha. It wasn’t going bad or anything, just a little stale. Then again he wasn’t sure what he expected from a long distance relationship. The time difference was big and it made their conversations a little awkward, Simon either having just woken up very early or just about to go to sleep…

There was also the fact that Agatha had a...difficult character. She wasn’t mean or snobby…well not more so than most people he hung around, but she was very self centered and often unaware of it. The few fights they’d had Simon had always been the one to break first and apologize, even when he didn’t feel like he was in the wrong.

There was that too…the fights. Simon wasn’t sure why but they always seemed to be disagreeing. It was usually something to do with Agatha disagreeing with Simon’s and Penelope’s way of having fun. Simon swore there were times where it felt like she didn’t have a single funny bone in her body. Which was unfair because there were times where they had quite a bit of fun together. 

And as if their relationship didn’t have enough problems as it was, there was also the way Agatha reacted whenever Baz was mentioned in a conversation. Simon hadn’t even been aware of how often he spoke of Baz until he started noticing Agatha’s reaction to it. He couldn’t help it though…Baz still was his biggest problem and also his roommate.

On the night of the 25th Penelope, Micha, Agatha and him had sat down in the living-room after the long day of celebrations and just talked about stupid things. Admittedly they had been half drunk on sweet wine and sugar. Agatha had said something Simon couldn’t remember clearly that had made Penelope snort.

“You sound so much like Baz right now!” She had said more so to herself.

Agatha hadn’t had the time to fire back when Simon let out a loud groan making everyone in the room turn to him in surprise.

“Can’t we just not talk about Satan for one day?” He had asked.

Penelope had smirked raising an amused eyebrow “Wow there mister, so you can talk about Basilton but the rest of us humble humans cannot?” The way she had said Baz’s name had made Simon flush with anger.

“I don’t talk about Baz that often!” Simon had argued but it only made everyone laugh at him. 

“Bro, I’ve learned more about Baz through you in the last couple of week than I’ve learned from Penny the last 4 years that I’ve known her…”Micha said making Penelope laugh even harder.

“Yeah, like his whole schedule or how annoyingly good his annoyingly expensive shampoo smells or how he never remembers to bring a shirt with him in the bathroom before he showers…” Penelope was saying while also laughing. It made Simon see red. Did he really speak about Baz that much? Certainly not!   
He was about to make an intervention when Micha beat him to it also laughing “Or how he looks so posh and objectively handsome it’s unfair!” 

Simon hung his head in defeated shame. He had called Baz handsome once! And he regretted ever doing so. He should have known Penelope would never let him live that down or keep it to herself. It had been on the day they met and Simon hadn’t known what an absolute arse he was yet. 

He felt laughter form deep in his chest and he didn’t even try to stop it. Before he knew it he was also laughing along Penelope and Micha. “Or how he’s a vampire cause I’ve never seen him sleep or-“ “ENOUGH!” Simon had been cut off by Agatha.

All three of them had stopped laughing instantly and looked at her shocked and confused. She was red in the face and frowning intensely. She wasn’t looking anyone in the eye seemingly as shocked in her outburst as everyone else.

Simon had frowned “Agatha…are you alright?”

She didn’t look at him “Why do you people always talk about him like that? If you don’t like him so much just stop talking about him altogether, it is highly disrespectful.” She had said before standing up and quickly padding off to the room she shared with Penelope. 

They all sat there in awkward silence for a while longer before they all excused themselves for the night.

Simon had been awfully aware of how often he mentioned Baz after that. He’d ended up apologizing to Agatha the next day.

As well as his weird relationship the new semester also found Simon in something else new. That was spring try-outs for the swimming team.  
How, you might wonder, Simon had ended up in the swimming team was astounding even to him. As most things in his highschool life, try-outs also traced themselves back to one Basilton Pitch. Simon couldn’t help but feel bitter about it but it was the truth.

Back in late September, aka winter try-outs month, Simon had wanted to get in the football team (real football, the one that involves feet and balls and not tightly clothed men throwing themselves at each other). He had gotten rejected but had found out, to his distaste, that Baz was in the team.

He had been so angry and snappy about it that Penelope had snapped and told him she wouldn’t talk to him until he either got over it or found something else to do because he was quote on quote unbearable.

And so Simon found himself applying for the swimming team. In actuality there weren’t that many athletic groups in his school besides the football team…Simon supposed it was a balance of demand and budget cuts. So, not counting the football team (like hell he was trying again only to fail again and have Baz laughing at his face again), he was left with the rugby team (not a chance in hell), the chess club (not a real sport) and the swimming team (a real sport that he had a chance in cause he’d done it before). An obvious choice, really. 

There were all those other clubs as well, like drama (Agatha was in a drama club over in America) or literature and the such…but Simon didn’t feel like he’d enjoy himself much in anything not movement based. After all, he was more brawl than brawn.

Simon stood at the edge of the 50 by 25 swimming pool in nothing but a tight Speedo and suddenly he felt exposed. H felt his ribcage collapse and he couldn’t breathe. He tried to calm himself but all he could think about was failing; failing in front of all these people.

He felt like an idiot, what the hell was he even doing there? He wasn’t a professional swimmer, how could he even dream of going up against those kids? Most of them must have been training for this all their life! He felt his eyes burning and maybe a tear rolling down his left cheek…or was that sweat? He couldn’t tell.

He could, however, tell that his hands were shaking and his vision blurring and all he wanted to do in that moment was crawl in the fatal position and cry. Simon cursed himself. He couldn’t be doing this, he thought, not in front of everyone. 

And as everything around seemed to come to a stop he looked up at the bleachers and saw Penelope looking at him. She looked worried but tried to cheer him up by sending him a thumps-up. Simon smiled. He took a large breath. What was he panicking for? This wasn’t some life changing moment. This was some stupid bet he’d made with his stupid friend, Goddamn it!

He took another deeper breath and tried to still his mind. It didn’t matter if he failed or succeeded, he told himself. All that matters is showing off to Penelope and her nerd friends. The coach instructed them to get in positions. Simon adjusted his goggles and got ready. Then the whistle blew and he was in the water.

Simon was sitting on the edge of the pool a towel wrapped around his shoulders, rubber cap and goggles on his side with his legs in the water. The pool was empty. Try-outs had ended about 10 minutes ago. Everyone was either in the locker rooms or already gone. He heard footsteps behind him but he didn’t care. Soon enough Penelope was sitting next to him.

Simon looked at her and smiled. She smiled back and placed her hand over his “You did great, you know?” she said. He grinned “Damn right I did!” he laughed. She snorted “Wow, Simon, for a guy who almost had a panic attack right before he jumped in the water, you sure are confident.” He gave her a look and she smiled at him even bigger. “You know, I thought you were a football guy” She said trying to steer the conversation. Simon let her. He didn’t want to talk about it. 

“I am” He said happily “You know, as much as any guy. But I’ve never trained for it” He admitted. Penelope gave him a look “I mean, I’ve done swimming before…I’d never done football, not professionally.” Penelope’s eyes widened “What do you mean you’ve done it before?” She asked in shocked excitement. 

Simon shrugged “It’s been a while but I was in this family that was crazy about it when I was younger. Didn’t think I still had it in me, to be honest.” Penelope looked down. She didn’t press further; she knew Simon didn’t like talking about his other families. She settled for saying “Well, you sure do” 

Simon flashed her a big smile “All there is left to do is wait for them to call me back!” He said excited and Penelope agreed. Returning to his dorm room that afternoon, Simon felt like his whole body was on fire. He wanted to tell Agatha. He texted her on his way up not expecting an immediate reply.

Surprisingly, she texted back a few minutes later. ‘Is Baz there?’ Simon rolled his eyes. Whatever was her deal with Baz anyway? ‘Not yet, shouldn’t be back for another hour and a half’ he texted back forgetting completely that there were football try-outs too.

Agatha called him over Skype just as he settled in front of his pc. He was still kind of dump from swimming and he was awfully aware of how much he smelled of chlorine but he didn’t care. He answered the call and was met with Agatha’s polite smiling face. For a second he wasn’t sure if she was happy to see him or not, but then her smile widened and he couldn’t help smiling back. 

They made polite conversation. Asking each other about their days before Simon got to talking about his success in the try-outs. Agatha seemed equally happy for him as Penelope had which made him very happy.

“I must admit” Agatha said “I’ve always wanted to date a swimmer.” 

Simon smirked “Yeah? I hear their endurance is very good” He joked and let himself get lost in Agatha’s happy laugh. He was glad to be making her happy, even if momentarily. 

Just in that moment, the bathroom door opened and a shirtless Baz walked out frowning and toweling his hair “For the love of Christ, I’d say get a room but this is your room, Snow, so do you mind?” his chilling voice echoed in the small room making Agatha stop laughing abruptly. 

She looked at Simon in a sad and angry grimance and Simon didn’t know what to say. She hang up on him before he could explain he’d forgotten Baz would also be back early due to try-outs. 

He turned and looked at Baz who was not paying him any mind just casually settling on his bed to probably study and for once he couldn’t find it in him to be mad at him.

No, the one he was mad at was Agatha. Seriously what was with that reaction? 

“Fuck off, won’t you, Baz?” he still barked at Baz before heading in the bathroom himself. He wanted to get the smell of chlorine off immediately. He felt sick, suffocating. He wanted to get Baz off his life immediately. 

Why was it that every time Simon seemed to hit a new wall in his new home, Basilton Tyrannous Grimm-Pitch was always the root cause?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wowzie this was a long one. I just shat this out, fresh out the oven. 
> 
> What do you guys think? 
> 
> Leave and comment and/or a kudos cause I said so! (jk but I really apreciate them)
> 
> Love yous! <3


	8. Bath?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW! mentions of homophobia, mainly implied both internalized and not
> 
> It's Baz time, baby! 
> 
> Bazzy boy has some feelings. Are they good, are they bad? Who knows? You if you read ahead ;)

Baz had been in the bath for at least half and hour when he heard Simon return to their shared room. Baz was one of those “lucky” kids that had a full bath in their rooms instead of just a shower. And however much he despised his dad this was one of the few things he could actually admit he was grateful for. 

Baz wasn’t even sure how many times he would get back from a long day of being himself and just completely submerge himself in close-to-boiling hot water with just his nose poking out of the water so he could breathe. 

He also loved using oils and salts too, but he’d stopped ever since Snow had moved in with him. Like hell he was letting that dumbass catch him bathing like a princess! Still he really wished he hadn’t thrown all of them away right now. It was try-outs and, of course, he was still in the team but he’d gotten word from his dad that morning.

Something along the lines of ‘do well or die trying!’ Alright, perhaps that was a bit too dramatic, but Baz was dramatic like that and also it was exactly the same feel so…

He heard Snow shuffling in the next room and tried to stay very quite. He honestly didn’t want to have to interact with Snow. There were two ways this could go. One, Snow attempted to walk in the bath (and found it locked because Baz wasn’t a fucking neaterdal, like Snow) and then realize Baz was here. Or alternatively, Snow could go about his day doing whatever it is he does until Baz was ready enough to walk out and make his presence known himself. 

What Baz hadn’t anticipated was Snow calling his girlfriend. He could hear them from inside. The conversation was awkward, stale…it made Baz want to laugh. Of course Snow was the one to get a partner but didn’t know how to act.

Baz had heard Snow had gotten a girlfriend after the start of the new semester. It was extremely offensive that Snow was the first one out of the two of them to get a partner. It made him bitter. Baz, in his own opinion, was far better at pretty much anything and should, by law of logic, ‘get it on’ first.

If he dared be a little more honest with himself, Baz might had admitted that he wasn’t jealous of Snow himself but of his girlfriend. But he wasn’t! And there was no way in the 7 circles of hell he’d ever be caught dead acknowledging these feelings, less he wanted his dad to physically manifest before him and drown him in the tub.

Baz lifted his head a bit so his ears weren’t covered by the water so he could listen in on Snow and his girlfriend a little better. He wasn’t sure what he expected her to sound like or to be like but it sure as hell wasn’t expecting Agatha Wellbelove. It kind of caught him off guard, really.

They must have gotten acquainted over the holidays at Bunce’s. Baz wasn’t sure he liked that. He wasn’t sure what he felt. Agatha and Simon…a match made in heaven (?). The more he thought about it the more it made sense they’d end up together. 

Agatha and Simon, Simon and Agatha. 

The small green goo in his stomach solidified and became hot and red. He was angry. So angry he couldn’t hear over the buzzing in his ears. And the fact he was angry was making him even angrier because he had no right to be angry at this, it wasn’t like he would make a move on Snow or anything. So why should be mad? 

Jealousy he could excuse but anger? No, sir! He tried to breathe. Tried to reason with himself that this wasn’t worth the bother. That he didn’t care. For naught, really, because the anger had settled in his stomach like quick drying cement and there was no way he could get rid of it now.

He sighed rubbing at his eyes angrily. He was about to submerge himself in the water (now turned lukewarm) when he heard Agatha say “I must admit, I’ve always wanted to date a swimmer.” followed by one of Snow’s throaty laughs. Like he wasn’t sure if he should laugh or not so he trapped the sound in his throat.

Swimmer? So Snow had done well with the swimming team…Baz frowned. He had half-hoped Snow would try out for the football team again this semester. He’d tried last semester too but hadn’t made it in (courtesy of one Malcolm Grimm-Pitch). It was the first time that Baz had been genuinely angry at his dad for someone else’s sake. He’d gone and tried to reason with him that it wasn’t worth it cutting Snow from the team because he was genuinely good but Malcolm had been adamant on not wanting Snow in the same team as Baz.

The reason? Simon was too good and would steal Baz’s spotlight. At least that’s what Malcolm had said. Still, cold sweat run down Baz’s spine at the thought he knew more than that…he couldn’t, shouldn’t have, yet living with Malcolm for 15 whole years had proved to Baz that he had ways of knowing everything. Even that that had never been spoken out loud.

Still, the coach had said to Malcolm he’d cut Snow only once but if he were to try again he’d let the kid in because he was ‘exceptional’. Malcolm had laughed and agreed and now it made Baz wonder whether he knew from the start Simon wouldn’t try a second time.

It put Baz in an even fouler mood. Then he heard Snow’s voice, low and teasing; he could almost picture him smirking “Yeah? I hear their endurance in very good” and that was the breaking point for Baz.

That was It. He wasn’t going to stand for this any longer. He quickly got out of the bath pulling the tub and half dried himself half got dressed. Agatha’s laughter filled the room and that was the exact moment Baz decided he not only cared very much, but he also wanted to make this stop. 

Unfortunately for Snow, he also knew how to. He dumped his clean shirt in the laundry basket (he had gotten this time, if only Snow knew) and walked out the room, making a show of toweling his hair, body wet and glistering.

He earthed himself, making sure his voice wouldn’t come out nervous and shaking and said “For the love of Christ, I’d say get a room but this is your room, Snow, so do you mind?” 

The silence filled the room quickly and abruptly. Baz was pleased with himself. He caught Wellbelove casting him a glance and then hanging up on Snow. He stopped himself from smiling as he sat on his bed pulling out some of his homework but inside he left like he felt like he could do a somersault.

He could feel Snow looking at him but didn’t spare him a glance in fear of his façade breaking. As much as he loved Wellbelove’s reaction he seriously didn’t want to see Simon sad. 

“Fuck off, Baz!” Snow barked at his before he went in the bathroom slamming the door. Baz let out a loud groan and lay on his bed with his arm over his eyes. He just couldn’t catch a break, could he? 

It not like he wanted to act like an ass, not anymore anyway. He’d outgrown his mean-kid phase a long time ago. It was just…safer to act the way everyone expected him to act and be miserable than to go against his ‘nature’ and risk ending up miserable either way.

Bottom line was, there was no happy ending for people like Baz with parents like Malcolm and trying to achieve that would be like reaching for the stars.

Nothing more than an unreachable goal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, I'm really shitting these out, aren't I. I guess that is good though. This one, I think, is a little more angsty than the other ones because I feel like shit today and I always self-reflect on all my characters. YAY!
> 
> How did you like this? You know the drill, leave your opinions down below or just a kudos, thanks!
> 
> Love yous! <3


	9. Afternoon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've really just ghosted you for a good 3 months, huh? 
> 
> Unbelievable...not. I am so sorry life and college kind of got the best of me <3

“Are you serious?” Penelope asked Simon as they were both sitting on his bed in his dorm room. 

Simon was laying flat on his back with his legs stretched out kind of in an awkward position as Penelope’s legs arched over them as she sat with her back on the wall.  
“No, yeah, I’m serious. I’m seriously failing English and I’m either going to be held back or given the boot…” he said again with a loud sigh. His arm was covering the top of his face and in actuality he was trying very hard to not cry

Penelope looked at him sad “Come on, Simon, you aren’t getting the boot just because you failed one class, alright?” She said but it didn’t sound convincing even to herself

Simon scoffed “Come on, Penny, you know they’ve been trying to get me out of here since day one.” He said bitterly. It was true. Although, Simon guessed he hadn’t played little part in it either. After all, landing on the principal’s office 5 times in the first week wasn’t the best sort of first impression.

Penelope sighed “I could maybe tutor you?” she said but it sounded more like a question than an actual proposition. 

Simon swallowed hard, he didn’t want to force Penelope in this; she already had enough stuff going herself. He took a sharp breath and sat upright. “Let’s play a board-game” he said changing the subject. Penelope allowed it, she knew if he decided to take her up on her offer he would ask her, she needn’t press.

She smiled at him teasingly “You want to get your ass beat in Monopoly again, Snow?” she asked making her best Baz impression. Simon had to admit it was pretty spot on. 

He laughed. Things with Baz had calmed down almost completely. Other than living together, neither paid the other any mind. It was tense but sort of comfortable; Baz avoided the dorm room as much as possible whenever Simon was there and vice versa, finding a weird schedule based on the other’s training sessions. Baz usually trained late in the afternoon and came back after Simon had already gone to bed (although Simon wasn’t sure if the later was also because of his training). 

“You wish, Bunce, but this time I’m going to be teaching you how to play cards.” He said and laughed even harder at Penelope’s face. “Oh, come on, Simon! I can see the Monopoly right there, and we both enjoy that! I don’t like card games.” She whined. 

It was odd on her, whining. He made a grimace. Usually they played Monopoly at Penelope’s “This one is Baz’s” he said and Penelope sighed. She looked like she was about to give in but apparently that wasn’t a word in her dictionary “He doesn’t have to know…” she said hesitantly but cunningly. Even she knew it was a bad idea but she really disliked card games and she disliked losing even more and she didn’t know how to play cards. 

Simon’s entire figure slumped a little. He knew, in his head, he shouldn’t touch any of Baz’s things. He knew the complicated truce they had was based on completely ignoring each other and he also knew that Baz would most certainly not take kindly to having his things used by Simon.

He knew all that…he did, really, but something inside him lit up at the idea of going behind Baz’s back. Was that weird? It was definitely weird but he was too preoccupied by agreeing to care. They set up pretty quickly and Penelope was more excited than usual which made him excited too.

The game ran smoothly even though both of them were as giggly and agitated as 14 year-old girls with crushes. Penelope cracked jokes here and there about how they were turning to the dark side or deviating.

At one point she giggled to herself, Simon giving her a look, before she said “You know, the funniest thing just came to my mind” Simon gave her an expression that read ‘please elaborate’ “How much do you bet Baz acts like Draco Malfoy?” she asked. 

The question caught Simon off guard and he snorted so hard he almost chocked. The idea was indeed hilarious. “I bet” he said as he tried to control his laughter “His mum read him the Harry Potters once when he was, like, 5 and he had an epiphany ever since” Simon joked. Penelope’s face grimaced in a way that wasn’t amusement which made Simon anxious.

“I can bet you on my mum not reading me anything growing up, Snow, but my father will definitely be hearing about this” Baz’s voice came from the door. Simon was taken aback. Baz’s voice wasn’t annoyed or enraged. No. His voice was amused and…a little sad? 

“Baz!” Penelope exclaimed surprised and her hands flew out to hide the monopoly. “We didn’t mean to snoop, you know, how these things are, we just- Simon, just really wanted to play monopoly and…” She rambled a little. She seemed genuinely nervous and Simon couldn’t believe he’d gotten thrown under the bus like that.

Baz raised a perfectly shaped, elegant brow (really could one thing about this guy not look like it was personally crafted by the Gods? Just one!) and a small smirk played on his lips. “Snow, huh?” His eyes darted over to where Simon was sitting on his bed and for a moment he felt squirmish but forced himself to stand his ground.

Like hell, he was letting Pitch see him nervous. He raised on of his eyebrows in response and said “yeah, what about it?” almost challenging Baz to come after him.

Penelope looked like she had stopped breathing and then…Baz shrugged nonchalantly and said “Well, if you let me join, I might consider letting you off…this once.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, I know this chapter is really small, but it is all I've managed to produce in the last 3 months. Pathetic, I know, but being a college student as well as battling my shitty brain daily kind of make this whole gig a bit difficult to me...Still I am not giving up to this, I have been trying to force myself to write whenever I get the chance. I was actually planning on waiting till I had a bit more material to post, but I am about to go in exams period and will be completely inactive for the next mont, so I figured I shouldn't keep you waiting any longer.
> 
> As always, if you've enjoyed please leave your thoughts down below to maybe get me to post an other shit chapter in...Sepember :^)


	10. NOT AN UPDATE

THIS IS NOT AN UPDATE!! 

I just wanted to let you all know that as of Wednesday 3rd of July, my laptop that I've had since 15 years old, has died unexpectedly. 

I have lost all my documents, including all my life's work when it comes to fanfiction and anything I'd written for this, as well as other ideas I'd been working on. 

it is uncertain whether they will be able to retrieve everything from it, or when that will be, so until then this work, as well as any new works I was planning on publishing will be discontinued. 

I'm very sorry to you all, but my family and I don't have the funds to buy a new laptop right now... perhaps I could work from my phone, but I don't want to give you people false hope. 

this message is for any recurring readers, as well as new ones to let you know of the status of this fic. 

thank you for reading and sending me your support


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